Care? Love? Concern? Protect? Independent? Freedom? Privacy? Disappointed? Friends? Nasty? Appreciation? Cherish? Escape? Worried? Lover? Heartaches? Capability? Promise? Right? Wrong? Fun? Cheated? Responsibility? Accepting?
How does it feels to be disappointed?
What is the real disappointment?
..
Being disappointed is when something BAD was done by someone whom you trusted dearly, right?
Know what is the real disappointment?
It's when someone who treated you dearly, tried to give you the love and care and concern as much as possible; tried to protect you as much as possible; love you more than loving himself/herself, ended up being a disappointment to the latter.
For the one who is disappointed in me..
Perhaps you already forgot what you told me that very day before hanging the phone, but I still remembers it clearly. You told me that you won't be going with the guys, but the next moment you went out with them. The next day I sarcastically joked about it and I knew that you're unhappy and don't understand why am I reacting in the way I reacted. What I NEVER know is that the concern I had for you, wanting you to be more responsible for your own words and doings, could be something seen as restricting your freedom and interfering your privacy.
Is this the way you learnt to be independent?
When the people around you are worried about you, did you ever think of the reason(s)?
If there are no one concerning you, how would you feel?
You dislike people to assume, but are you doing things that allowed them to do so?
You hate people to tell you something indirectly, but can you accept if people points at you directly?
When those around you are thinking of ways to prevent you from getting hurt, what you did was to hurt them in return. Think about the woman who cooks for you, wanting you to eat properly and be healthy. Think about the woman who nags at you for spending too much, hoping that you'll save some for the future or perhaps just the rainy days. Think about the woman who rushed to the hospital just to make sure you're doing fine, and then rush back to work, and all this rushing here and there is nothing as long as you're fine. Think about the woman who definitely cries herself to sleep when she got so worried about her own daughter and yet can't do anything. Think about your Mother. Think about how you criticised the taste of the food when she cooked something she likes once in a full-moon and whereas the rest of the month she's cooking food to your likings. Think of how you shrug her off when she told you not to go out as often because most of the time there'll be extra expenses. Think of how both of you screamed at each other when she came back home after playing mahjong while you're sick at home, it's not her fault for you being sick. THINK, did you ever say Thank You to show your appreciation for her, or perhaps just a way to show that you love her. Think of the reason why she cries herself to bed.
It's all about YOU.
For someone you barely know for a year and know nuts about, compared to a woman who is always looking upon you with out-stretching arms, always hoping and waiting for the day that you'll return to her arms, always be ready to protect you from any harm and danger.
Why is it that this is the reason that you hurt your Mother?
Is this what you claimed that you learnt for the past-years?
Like what mentioned above, you dislike people's assumption. Did you ever think of what you did? Is it a MUST for you to see someone you barely know for a year and got nothing to do with you as frequent as 6-7 days per week? When you told me that there's nothing between you two, I listened. When you told me that there're times when he actually sent you up to your place, I listened. What I told you was, if there's really nothing in between the both of you, then minimise the chances of being alone with him. In the end? Not only sending you home, you ALLOWED him to fetch you to the destination. Not only sending you home and fetching you to destination(s), you even went out with him alone. Isn't it inviting people to have the chance to say stuffs that you dislike to hear? By all means, say that you don't care, don't bother either. But the fact is, you care, you bother.
Yes, you can insist that you're right this time and people like me blames you wrongly. What I'm capable of saying is what others are capable of thinking and saying and if you're really so firm about what you did is/are right, it'll be firm enough to shut off people's mouth. I rather that you hate me for telling you how powerful can gossips be, than to let you experience it yourself from others because you yourself should know how much you dislike all this. I rather that you're disappointed in me for saying things to someone you wished I didn't, than to see you having the possibilities of getting hurt, harm or cheated.
You heard something nasty from me that night(which I supposed that you only heard part of it and not knowing the whole story), but what you don't know is that I can be much more nastier than you can think of in order to protect my love ones(for your information, one of your colleagues(which I think you and I should know who she is) actually call him and asked about your stuffs and tried to be really kind - now you know the whole story, right?). But don't worry, from today onwards, I DO AS I SAY, you don't have to see me being nasty anymore, you don't have to fred over someone like me to restrict your freedom or interfering your privacy. Most importantly, you don't have to feel disappointed anymore..you don't have to worry about managing 2 different groups of people anymore..
...
It's a wound,
A deep one..
Before I know,
It's bleeding profusely..
Don't ask others to take care of me when you're so firm about yourself,
treat it as my punishment..
I'm in no position to say anything because like what you said,
nobody knows how you treat him and you don't have to further explain it..
I know I know..
Sorry to interfere your life and got too over-worried..
You're right..
The only wrong thing ever is caring, loving and concerning too much..
Thank you for showing me to the truth..
