seriously i hate migraine. who loves it? i know, but guess i brought it upon myself by tying my hair when it's not completely dry yet. arghhhh.. but anyway, just feel like typing some thoughts here before i rest for the day..
it's like, so many people around me who dont treasure/cherish the life they have now. i think that includes me, however, it only applied partially. i treasure my life even though i'm gonna get my motor-license by hook or by crook, however, i dont really cherish it. or do i, unknowingly? life, as in the situation we're in now, as well as, the body our spirits are in.
like one of my classmates E, she's kinda abusing the medication prescribed by her psychiatrist, taking them as much as 5 different kinds at a go just to get a kick of it. she eventually felt worse after it wears off. still, she wanna do that despite tasting the aftermath of it. then she got this habit of self destruction, as in she cuts herself until it bleeds, and by doing that, she felt released. remembered the first time i 'accidently' saw those scars, one of them was new, kinda deep, i kept quiet, trying not to touch her 'real wound' inside her. she once told me that her fabric scissors got blunt because she used it to cut herself, and my reaction was calm, but deep inside, i'm like 'what the f*ck?'. to her, life is a b*tch. she got sent to Singapore when she was around 5 years old, under the care of a nanny who stripped her down to a panties, and left her standing outside the gate when she refused to finish up her food. when she grew older, she saw with her own eyes how her father brought women uglier than her mother back to their bedroom, and saw her her father used to beat her mother up. even older, she found a man whom she thought could take care of her, give assurance to her insecurities. instead, this man beat her up, and gave her the worst memories ever. all these accumulate up to what she become today, or is it her refusing to pull herself up from the pit despite many of times when there're helping hands, and she refused all of them?
sometimes i feel like telling her that i read her blog and check her twitter regularly to make sure she's still alive when i dont see her. but i didnt afterall. it's her privacy, as what i learnt. however, if she's opened about her life, sharing with me things that she wont go around telling others who are not as close, should i be pulling her up from the pit by force? or should i just leave her rotting in the bottom of the pit till the last breathe of her mother, and then hers, as what she claimed?
i dont wanna be a saint, but i dont wished to see someone whom i know, be left alone to die, when all i could do, is to offer more patience, love, care, and concern.
