i'm supposed to be doing my work at this hour, but instead.. i've been thinking of what happened earlier this evening..
apparently, brother saw the pendant i left on the table after bath. and so, he thinks it's really funny to joke about this, saying that i'm wearing it because i'm afraid of ghost. on top of it, mom thinks that it's even funnier to make it worse, by saying that i'm afraid because i did too many bad things.
what i wanna say is.. F*CK YOU ALL.
YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY?! SORRY, I DONT THINK SO B*TCHES. PUT YOUR *SS IN MY SHOES AND YOU'LL KNOW HOW BAD I FELT. F*CK YOU BITCHES. WHAT YOU GUYS DONT EVEN KNOW IS THAT THIS PENDANT SERVES A PURPOSE OF keeping me sane. the suicidal thoughts are still here fyi.
THANKS FOR RUBBING SALT AGAIN AND AGAIN ON THE WOUND TILL IT'S ALL NUMB RIGHT NOW. F*CK THIS SH*T. I THINK BOTH OF YOU WILL BE UBER HAPPY WHEN I'M NO LONGER AROUND. AND YOU, MOM, YOU'LL LIVE HAPPILY WITH YOUR F*CKING DEAR SON AND HIS DEAR WIFE HAPPILY TOGETHER AFTER. DONT BLAME ME FOR DOING THINGS YOU WOULDNT LOVE TO SEE. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I'M FORCED TO THE CORNER.
I F*CKING HATE...............................................................................
F*CK "HAPPINESS DEPENDS ON OURSELVES."
life is not only about you yourself. just like marriage, it's about the people around you. every f*cking step you take, every f*cking word you say, you have to be responsible of it. it's nothing wrong to say " i dont f*cking care." but when time comes, you wouldnt say it. because we are humans. we have feelings. unlike animals, whose brains dont function better than us, who dont feel as much as us, but they still do though.
MY HAPPINESS DONT DEPENDS ON MYSELF BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED, NO MATTER WHAT I DO, WHAT I SAY, AT THE END OF THE DAY.. I'M STILL A SINNER. SOMEONE WHO DONT WORTH EVEN MORE THAN THE F*CKING SON'S GIRLFRIEND. SO WHAT IF I'M LAZY NOW? IT'S BECAUSE YOU GUYS NEVER F*CKING CHERISH THINGS I DID. YOU GUYS NEVER ACCEPT ME WHEN I TRIED TO PROVE. WHY? WHY AM I BORN TO DEALT WITH ALL THIS? A TEST FOR ME? SORRY, TEST IS OVER.
tell me now, does happiness still depends on ourselves?
