running outta patience

we're worried for you, thinking of ways to look for you when you're uncontactable. you're very touched, but so what? i treat you as a friend because you're the first honest person i met since i came back to school, but your irresponsibility is pissing me off. you left the umbrella that i lent you on a rainy day with your friend, and totally forgot about it. you touched those stuffs that you know you're not supposed to, however claiming that you're just trying to fulfil your bucket list. then what? why not informed people around you that you're gonna do something really stupid first before doing it, so that they're prepared for your disappearance and wont be calling me to check whether i know of your whereabout. if you're really touched by your friend's love, be responsible at least to your own life. by the way, i'm a very easy-going person, but that doesnt mean that i'm a pushover. so dont push your luck too far, and treat me like a puppet in your hand.

)=

emo-ing.

dear eve,

bao bei, tell me you're alright will ya? i dont wanna see your rotting corpse inside the tiny bedroom you're staying in, due to the overdosage of pills. i dont wanna spend my 1.5 years in school without you drinking coffee with me in the morning at kopitiam before morning lesson; without you having chicken rice and bubbletea with me at dhouby xchange before afternoon lesson; without you having de-stressing breaks with me during lessons.. so many many things. now you're happy to know who are those who really cares, who will do anything to know that you're not so worthless afterall, even including to trespass the apartment you're staying in.

tell me you're fine.

happy chinese new year

have a sudden urge to say something, so here am i!

how's everyone's chinese new year celebration?
for me, it's alot quieter than the previous years.. lesser gambling, lesser laughter, lesser happiness i guess? - at least for my grandparents.
i'm not really an introvert actually, but just that i dont really like to entertain people which i see once/twice a year, just for the sake of seeing them. as usual, my family and i went to relative's house(for the sake of going), show face a little, smile a little, entertain a little..

baby went back to malaysia to celebrate with his family, and just came back today.. was really happy to see him. sometimes i feel so much to have a private place with him, spend really alot of time with him.. erm? how long is the honeymoon period during the courtship? because it's been 2 years since we're together, but i still have endless things to tell him even though we met up with one another almost everyday(before my school started). but on the other hand, .. forget it.

it must be something to do with pms.
@#$%^&*

self destruction

it's just a complicated affair between human and drugs. doctors refer medicine as drugs because overdosing on them or mis-using them is equally harmful to the real drugs. many of time, human mis-used it instead of taking only when needed. what i meant by needed is when prescribe, and not when you feel like swollowing/sucking on it.

recently, i got a few friends around me mis-using it intentionally. why? i mean.. is there a need to do so? is life so bored that you need to do it in order to achieve another level of life? is life so depressing that you can't be happier without it? so many questions running through my mind just at a thought of it.. because does it meant that without it, one will have to rely on valium or prozac forever? NO! definitely not.

sometimes i really hoped that jigsaw is real.. at least it's more effective than psychologist.

untitled

it seems that i keep on repeating the same stuffs over and over again in here.. like i misses who and who.. but what else can i do..? russel and soon2 who used to be the closest suddenly just went MIA thousand of years ago. one is too busy with earning big bucks, making friends with big f*cks; the other is busy with earning big bucks too, enjoying the beautiful night-life, and enjoying the embraces from his love.

was browsing through facebook and came upon soon2's. suddenly, a sourish feeling burnt in the stretch of oesophagus and right through my heart. i feel sad, not enough to de devastated, but at least, i sighed and then smirked - how fragile, so fragile.

i miss you baby..

still alive

i'm still alive, people. just that there's no internet connection earlier on, therefore = no update!

hopefully i'll be able to update more often with rather interesting stuffs. in the meantime, i'm waiting for baby to be back soon although he's only been away for 1 day.

i miss you, baby.