last night, i got a bad dream..
it was supposed to be a prank-show, but i got scared to tears when O tried to shove a cucumber through my ass-crack because i can really feel the tingling sensation..
but anyway, i woke up suddenly, feeling.. suffocated? hmm. not really, it's more like a feeling which I KNOW that there's a lacked of oxygen in my brain. at the same time, i was so scared, so scared to die(suicidal thoughts have been lingering in my brain recently). i feel so scared to die in my dream, not yet telling everyone that who my boyfriend is, and not telling him that how much i love him. therefore, i wanted to live..
i tried breathing in and out steadily, forcing myself to be awake because if i dont, i'll be falling into that dream again, and might not wake up again(that's what i thought)..
i think i spent at least 15-minutes to breathe properly, and finally feeling kinda awake. i recorded all the thoughts right away because i'm afraid of really dying of regrets.
friends who know me should know that i'm not somehow who's very religious, yet i respect all Gods above, AND BELOW. somehow, whichever God i'm destined to meet in near future is trying to tell me something or trying to wake me up from the suicidal thoughts which bothers me lately. now i know that it's not my time to die yet, and i clearly know that i dont wanna die so soon too.
thanks for the wake-up call, my God. although i dont know who you are and who you'll be..but You know, and soon we'll meet.
