if you have the gut

what can you do?

:'(

always thought that after the previous relationship, i became a stronger person. therefore, i thought that regardless anything, i'll be able to take it lightly. today, just minutes ago, my assumptions have been proved wrong.

fyi people..

..my facebook is up. it's weird having random people adding you(i dint approve them though). funniest part is that one fat piece of pork-lard added me, however, we are no longer friends. pardon me for being rude, calling people names. but this piece of pork-lard i must say, is really.. well, she made fun of me and another, because she thinks that we are horrible creatures as compared to her(beauty lies in the eye of a beholder, yea?). anyway, like what joe mentioned, 'it's a cycle'. now, she's not better than a piece of pork-lard.

hey pork-lard, if you see this, it's you i'm talking about. if you dont mind, i actually hoped to disclose your name bold-ed, coloured and enlarged. and lastly, please dont go around telling people that it's me who add you, alright? i'm afraid of blocked arteries.

not feeling good..

.. since dont know when. feel really restless, and emotional most of the time. what's happening? i need to feel better in order to concentrate on my work.

sigh. what's happening?
...
baby is calling in around 10-mins time.. how am i going to talk to him if i'm crying..? be strong!!

double fillet-o-fish..

.. is so @$%^* filling!! i just cant finish the whole sh*t. haha. anyway, i got a complimentary iced milo though i asked for a coke and paid for the coke. ^^

...

do you still remember the smell?
yea.
miss it?
not really, i got a new smell anyway.

anyway,

how does it feels like?

you need someone to teach you a lesson seriously, if not you'll be too full of yourself. damn. you're just like a dust to me, and nothing to others.

in dilemma..

..to choose between the undone work, and to waste hours sleeping..

i chose the latter.

f*ck it.

life that you can't fit in..

.. no matter what you do, will only end up in awkwardness. at the end of the day, you'll realise that the outcome will not be as what you thought of it if you keep forcing your way through. though it's sweet, but bitterness awaits. i love the blandness, though at times it seems unappealing, but it's healthy afterall.

i learnt this, and will not force myself on the heartaches again.

i hope..

.. to digest all the pain and sadness just like how i digest my you tiao for breakfast. i'm not a saint, neither can i, but i feel doubled pain when you are. to those who are around me, i hope to have miracle hand that heal every single wound, but most importantly, it all depends on you.

to baby, eve, and all those who bothered..

with love

just came back from a short met-up with baby.. and yeah! he's finally feeling better.. silly him.. keep on thanking me for travelling all the way there to meet him at that hour.. i have my way to get out of the house so don't worry ya? (:
anyway, rest well my dear.. hope everything will be smooth for you.  <3

baby must be very busy at work now.. hope he'll have a good day ahead.

with <3

legend of the fist..

.. with baby, joe, and yvonne hours ago. very good show i must say. hmm or should i say that donnie yen has not disappoint me yet? well, about the movie, hmm. fighting part is good, sentimental part is kinda touching too, not to forget a hint of humorous? poor japanese, always got kick in the *ss and scream like beetches. lol.
but really feel sorry to baby for letting him wait 1.5 hours for me to get changed and make up so that i'll look like a human. hmm. feel that he's not happy today.. actually is after that incident.. sigh. i don't want any mushy stuffs here, or any of our private conversation but.. well, cheer up baby.. i really hope to have more time with you.
goodnight people..

shame on you.

though i'm supposed to be sleeping now, but, due to my wet hair, i can't. so maybe i can blog about some happening today which leads me to have certain thoughts.

hours ago, a married colleague of mine hinted me(again) that he wants to be just more than friends with me. he told me that although he's married, but still available. not new to that, because he's a very frank person, telling the whole world about his private life(having a young mistress outside before, and left her when she asked about their future). i mean, either he's a good liar to the extend that this girl have no idea at all that he's married with 2 kids, or she's stupid enough to believe the guy that she's having sex with will be her future mr. right.
The problem is, i told him before that i don't trust people easily and so his reply was:
'that means it's hard to woo you, right?'
and knowing that, he told me that he's dying without me(because i stopped working periodly). for those who know me should be aware of how i'll be replying him.
'then i wondered how you survived before knowing me.'
i mean, please leave this kinda lines to those naive little girls. you already have a bad reputation in the company for being a jerk, and still, telling me to be aware of whoever and whoever. don't be the pot laughing at the kettle ya? i mean, i'm just trying to be nice and friendly to everybody, why wanna force me to dislike you and feel disgusted? you have your own private life, it's alright to me if you wanna have mistress outside but keep your claws off me ya. you wanna prey on me just because i have a innocent-virgin-look(he said it), but obviously i'm not. and most importantly, you know that i got a boy, and you saw him before, yet you are trying to let me do things behind his back just like how you did behind your wife's back. it's a shame to have someone like you, having the same surname. damn it.
baby is right, people with this kinda D name are jerks. yea, there MAY be good ones around, but hard to get by.
you know, the good thing about human is that they can act as though they're really pitiful, and is really capable to make it real. however, the bad thing about human is, their brain is like a lie-detector. the ears got the information and transmit it to the brain, the brain process on the words and analyse it. he told me that he got a son and daughter however being 'really pitiful', he said that they are never bonded-closely. the analysis is, when he got the time, he went drinking, spending time with mistress, going on trip. pitiful? damn you.

i personally feel that man, or perhaps woman is well, if you're not ready to get married and settle down, then don't! once you're married, it's no longer about you yourself. why wanna hurt those innocence? if you set them free before marriage, they'll get the happiness. isn't it just plain selfishness? why don't wanna be a playboy before marriage and forever be a playboy, but have flings after marriage?
in the past, once a man and a woman got married, they'll stay with each other till old(just like grandma and grandpa) and death will do them apart(though nowadays dirty old man have mistress outside too). but now, the younger generation is taking marriage way too  lightly. a little disagreement will lead to big argument then divorce. of course no one is perfect, but if 2 person decide to get together, isn't it about giving in and reducing damage to the minimal?

sigh. human is taking 'love' to lightly.
no wonder the world is giving up on us.

good morning people..

..(restless) i haven't slept since yesterday's morning. i'll tried to though it's always full of nightmares.

@#$%^&*

yeah! i will be handing up homework tomorrow! ^^
for your information people, i always cannot hand up assignments on time. hehe

i hope to have a twitter too.

everyone has it, use it via mobile, signing off the don't-know-what-plan. duh. just thought if i have it too, i can post my super duper random thoughts (like what i just posted on msn: i don't wanna be a sweet lil princess, i wanna be da queen).

after i posted that, i got another random thought which i wanna share it, yet not deleting the previous, so here i am, again.

it's about temptation. it gotta do with determination as well. how many of the people around you can actually resist almost all the temptationsSSSSSS? like the temptation of sticking with a rich guy so that he can get whatever you want(though there's a price to pay); temptation to make-out with whoever that attracts you sexually; temptation to eat excessively although you know that little bite will inched-up your waist and thicken your double-chin; and the list goes on.

can you resist all of them?

can i?

obama will say: yes we can!

great accomplishment..

.. to have 2 reports down.. 1 more to go before.. NOT SLEEPING DEFINITELY. .. before i proceed to another martha-farka-beetch work.

damn.

sweet dreams to those who are already drooling now..
yawns

yawns..

.. reports are killing me.

waiting..

..for baby to be home safely as usual, yearning to talk to him on the phone. sigh. it seems that he's not in good mood today (or since yesterday?). was thinking if it's because of me giving him a cold shoulder since morning..

well, i'm not angry.. just feeling more of disappointed and worried. hmm. best part is, i keep having flashbacks. zz.

alright, while i'm waiting for baby, hope to be a little productive because i feel so much of wanting to sleep. perhaps after making sure that baby is home, i'll die on my bed for at least 5 hours. damn.

resist the tobacco!

time to hit the sack..

.. yea, like finally. my neck is aching, same goes for my back and *ss.

have a good night people, good  night to baby.. <3

iloveyoustill.

: (

tired.

stressed.

bored.

everyday routine be it weekdays or weekends - you burn the midnight oil all night long and sleep when it's about time for coffee shops to be opened; you wake up when most people are still snuggling comfortably in bed; have a quick breakfast; start battling with school work; brunch; continue battling with school work; dinner; continue the battle with school work and starting another battle with the sleeping God.

this is the f*ck.

...

what's going on?

feel tired..

.. like again? period is around the corner most probably. =[

brb after a puff..

.. and yea, so i'm back feeling a lot more energetic.

bye bye, off to cont' with schoolwork!

arghhhhh..

.. i should be sleeping at this time instead of coming here! but well, just finished my stuffs.. @#$%^&*

=[ i think i'm gonna have sore throat soon.. thanks to burning midnight oil.

another thing to share before i go off: since yesterday, i have been using the word "martha-farka beetch" on my classmates, and guess what? some of them actually love me for this. LOL.
i know it's bad yea.

gdnight people, gdnight baby. <3

mathematics..

.. at this time is really.. FABULOUS for me. serious! i'm not trying to be sarcastic, but if you asked me to choose between report writing and mathematics, i'll choose mathematics for sure; if you asked me to choose between illustrating designs and mathematics, i'll still choose mathematics.  ^^

anyway, happy mooncake festival to everybody.

tired..

..yes, i am.

one projects after another, and it's really tiring me out since i came back. right after my morning-glory-theme-designs, i was told to do on active-wear. it's like.. @#$%^&* feel like laughing though because we need to case-study and research on certain things which include going to the gym and observe the people inside and outside, then at the same time doing a kind of sport and observe those around. duh. 500-words report for that. the estimated number of words adding together for the reports that need to be done is like exceeding 10k, how nice right? damn.

anyway, something funny happened this morning. well, the scenario is like me forgetting to bring my designs for pattern-making lesson and somehow forgotten some of the details, and so, i called brother who was at home at that time, asking him to check some stuffs for me. in the end, he gave a name to my ruffled-double-collar - SAILORMOON DESIGN. rofl. mom was laughing too when i told her during dinner time.

hmm. getting kinda grumpy nowadays as baby told me, and i felt so too. don't know what's wrong, can't concentrate well and tend to be really forgetful. perhaps i'm feeling too tired? and stressed out i guess..

are you afraid of the brights?

stayed up all night long drawing and drawing and drawing till my head throbbed time and time again this morning at 0730 indicating that it's time for some rest. went to hell for 1/2hour during the short-nap because i'm like having 5 consecutive nightmares, which some repeated thrice. how exciting to see people who are close to you with cracked skull, bleeding, revealing the white mushy squashed brain - still alive in the dream, tearing the pieces of cracked bone, with a shocked face wondering what had happened.

God, i need a break.

____________________________________dead

NO MOTIVATION.

iamsodead.
endurance.

early in the morning..

..woke up and head for the printing shop near school. spent a lot on clothes and stuffs for project, then have lunch alone. dabao-ed my favourite bubble-tea with grass-jelly at Chinatown, as well as the Korean-butter squid. back home, bathed,  feeling sleepy right now BUT gotta chiong chiONG CHIONG!

ihatedayswithoutbaby.

you can assume..

.. if you're guilty of what i'm gonna type, however, i might not be referring to you.

YOU, are not born with a silver/golden spoon in your mouth. though you might be badly traumatised at a young age, you're showered with the greatest undying love. but sad to say, you didn't cherish it. things are taken for granted, and you, transformed as years passed, from a Plain Jane to some kinda materialistic bimbo. look, everyone understand what you went through. though these people don't actually went through what you had but they shed tears for you INITIALLY when they thought about your plight. but YOU, committed mistakes again and again without repentant. CHANCE. it don't come to you as and when you like, it is to prove in time. you're angry when punished, no doubt everyone hate to be punished. ANGER. you transformed all in you to HATRED. you hate those who punished you; who despised you; who never express their love to you verbally or materialistically. as the condition of you life grew better drastically, your mind also grows, but, adversely. hey, money can't solve EVERYTHING. without knowing the hardship of working and earning money, YOU spent like as though your life is really THAT good. c'mon, you can say you tried working before, but truthfully, do you think you're capable of surviving if there're no one to direct you? perhaps YOU can say that last time no, right now yea. but to me, you can't. you're not as rich as the boss, so at the end of the day, YOU ARE STILL NOTHING. THINK, of those who showered you with love WITHOUT expressing verbally AND materialistically.

i don't think i will be explaining much to you anymore again, because at this age, if you're not capable of distinguishing what you're deemed to do, then, perhaps the past years of your life are wasted.

and yea, not to forget, charisma is built-up, NOT ACT-UP.

i @#$%^&* love report writing.

...

mom's stewed duck is incredibly soft and tender, delicious!
alright, random.

injuries

can you spot the 4 bruises?

damn. got this cut soon after i killed a suspiciously innocent looking housefly lurking around my room.

hungry!

firstly, i wanna announce to the whole f*ckin' world that I AM HUNGRY @#$%^&*

alright, done.

anyway, watched Resident Evil. damn, i have no idea why people can rate it 9/10 when i'm rating it like.. 2.5/10. i don't know what's up with the .5 BUT it's just a little better than 2 however, it don't worth my 3 stars. it's 3D, with not much special effect, not bloody enough, not scary enough(though i jumped once assuming that it's gonna be scary and ends up tensed).

spending my whole day with baby tomorrow. ^^

hmm. worked today ending with bruises on hand and leg. alright, one painful bruise on my knee especially.

@#$%^&* a hungry man is an angry man.  i'm gonna eat piping hot maggieeeeeeeeeee~

baby's day tomorrow..

.. yeah, it is.

gonna catch Resident Evil!! was considering should i bring all the borrowed books down to photo-copy, and also printing those needed stuffs. because the books are kinda heavy and baby can't help me as he's going to have a hair-cut, i might re-consider.

hmm.

i'm craving on macdonald's breakfast, it's been ages since i last had it.
breakfast, anyone?

brrrrr..

.. it's a little better than freezing, still feeling cold though. gastric is throwing a tantrum right now, most probably due to the over-loading indulgent of jellies.

alright, have a good night folks.

new addiction!

jellies, jellIES, JELLIES!!

so crazy over them, so crazy over work.
damn. back to reality.

sorry, i sinned..

.. yaimysb?

and the madness starts..

.. i'm about to start on my work, though i felt wasting 2.5 days touching everything but my school-sh*t. have the urge to have macdonalds for lunch.. let me count the *crings* in my purse.. (counting..) $117.50 for 13 days?!! NOOOOOOOOOOO..... that means I can only spend $9 on average everyday.. @#$%^&* Nevermind.. I shall have plain porridge for today, which is much more.. healthier.

what should i be starting off with.. hmm..

I'm still alive..

..after working for 2 days.. erm.. 1.5 days to be exact. the following days would be like hell with madness within me, struggling to finish up the undone. God, i don't need more time, but i need more money, SERIOUSLY! was talking to wendi on friday after lesson and we were like.. getting really fed-up to the fact that every f*cking single sh*t cost! and the worst nightmare is not not having to hand-up assignments on time, but not having enough *cring cring* to get the materials, in the end, being disappointed with the outcome.

I NEED *CRING CRING*~!!!

yawns..

just met up with baby.. poor him.. his leg.. sigh.

anyway, happy that you're back on your feet again. soar high my dear eve, and you're ready to kick *ass.