):

i hate the last month before assessment.

)':

it's supposed to be my graduation day just 32 days later, but now, it's only the end of 2nd-year.

)':

thy shall not shiver

i'm happy to be out with baby again today.. but i got frustrated because i felt so tired and got a headache while waiting at home.. in the end, i gave him the attitude.. ): sorry.. but just wanna tell baby that no matter what happened, dont be frustrated, disappointed, or sad, - for long. for i'll be there for you; just like how you're always be with me; just like how i held your hand in mine while we're waiting for our turn in the bank, hoping to give you as much assurance as possible. (:

...

went to A's son 1-month celebration without seeing the real baby. @#$%^&* but feel kinda happy because it's just like a small gathering for my batch at YD. although it's a little bit boring there, but baby is happy because he ate some nice food, won some money, and had my accompany! so do i. ^^

like the chalet a lot, as it's as ECP, which i'm much familiar with instead of those at PR. thought of getting one during the holidays when i got my pay, then cycle over-night, supper, watch sunrise.. etc. OH MY GODDDDDD~ i cant wait! either it's only baby and me, or i'll just ask a few close ones like J and Y.. that's all? haha dont have any really close ones actually.. hopefully the weather is good on that day (i can imagine how's my plan gonna be..). booking in at 12pm, organise everything and off to the beach! go wild till dinner time (was thinking should we have some simple self-prepared steamboat?), have our meal, then play some cards or something.. after a few hours when the food digested, we'll have second round of cycling (brrrr...). till the wee, we'll rest awhile, enjoy the sunrise, back to bed till the next book-out time. how is it? haha maybe we can book for 3 days 2 nights? is it too long? i'm afraid baby cant be excused for too many days.. hmm but well, we shall see how is it then. ^^

DOA

people always says that 'when you know someone have suicidal tendency, bring this person to seek professional help.'. seriously, i was thinking if bringing this person to seek professional help is really 'helping' him/her. most of the time, these people will be under doctor's prescription of anti-depressants, if that's the cause. however, i'm not too sure if this medication is gonna be long-term, or it's gonna stop when the person is no longer depressed. what i know is those people under the anti-depressant medication are often dreamy and blank-minded, at the same time, it's also very difficult for them to concentrate/focus. the worst part is, when the medicine wears off, their emotion can easily take a roller-coaster ride - often they do impulsive things at this point.
so is it a good or bad thing for them to take anti-depressant?

tired

just when most of the people are wandering in their dreamland, here i am taking a break from the heavy school-workload. i always thought that i'm not easily distracted, always very determine and focus. however, always during the critical period of the 4-months, i lose focus easily, always poking my nose into the single distractions.

WHY?!

and if i started doing my stuffs, i'll be damn particular about every single detail. momster always says that i'm very slow in doing my things, but what she didnt know is how detail and particular i am when it comes to work - perfection is the word.

almost all my classmates are struggling during this period too. but one thing that i have mixed feelings about it is, this batch of classmates seemed to be rather.. non-particular about the quality of their work. is like.. 'as long as we hand up, quality doesnt matter'. why so? many of times, when i went to class, i thought 'oh my, i must be the worst with the least work done'. but when lecturers are opened to talk about other classmates' works, i realised that they did alot, but most of it turns out to be irrelavant. and they love to address a very hardworking classmate who did almost everything and hand-in on time, 'goddess'. she might be smiling, but doesnt mean that she love it. right? well, because this 'goddess' posted a comment on the facebook just now, saying something about her, not wanting to hide her emotions and just ignore those who annoyed her. seriously speaking, those who gave her nicknames are one of the worst lot.

bye, back to work.

top 10 things i wished to have/do now

1. long + soft + thick hair;

2. drink-till-i-drop session;

3. no make-up to school and still look smooth and shiny;

4. short getaway with baby;

5. no school work;

6. little chubby to be home and grow up healthily;

7. cycling/roller blading;

8. dont have to depend on medication;

9. no more itchy skin from mozzy bites;

10. MONEEEEEYYYYYY

oh random. maybe there are something else that i want to have or want to do, but right NOW, this is what i think of. zz back to work..

miss baby so so badly..

being random

came across a ex-schoolmate of mine in facebook yesterday.

thought about how we know each other, yet not considered friends. so i'm her senior in chinese orchestra, i'm talented and so does she (please dont say that i'm shameless to self-proclaim talented, because if i only take around 4-months to be on-par with those who have been practising for years, isnt it about talent?). as time goes, she became more and more arrogant. for my character, i dont give a damn. but well, before she is 'officially' arrogant, we still talk and have fun together. so one fine day, she decided to be violent towards me by having her long nails sunk inside my flesh. however, i should say that she played with wrong person. at that time, i grabbed her hand so hard, and have my nails in her as well, deeper and harder. till she announce defeat.

isnt it stupid? or should i say that we're both childish at that time. but still.. i wanna tell her..
PLEASE KNOW WHO THE MUTHAFUKER YOU'RE PLAYING WITH.

dumber of dumbest

last week, my classmate said that i'm actually 'quite evil'.

WHO THE F*CK ARE YOU TO SAY THAT I AM EVIL WHEN MY MUTHAFUKER DONT?!

and what's the definition of yours regarding the term 'evil'? like.. making fun of other classmates including you is considered evil? well, you must be jealous and fed-up of not being able to make fun of me back just like some other classmates. like.. not being able to work together with groupmates is considered evil? well, why not just say that my groupmates are ignorant when it comes to hearing opinions and suggestions, and you being ONE OF MY GROUPMATES just chose to be a 'doggy' instead of sticking to your own opinion.

so tell me now, what's your definition?

if i still have friends whom i knew before knowing you with me till now and still counting, i dont see any reason for you to ASSUME THAT I'M EVIL.
AND IF YOU THINK THAT I'M EVIL, WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO ME, SOMETIMES HANGING WITH ME? it was once said that 'YOU FRIENDS REFLECT YOURSELF', and IF I'M EVIL, SO ARE YOU. agree?

BOTTOM-LINE: DONT F*CKING ASSUME SOMETHING AND SHOOT WITHOUT THINKING.
(IS IT EVIL TO SAY THAT YOU'RE JUST A BRAINLESS DUMBASS?)

..l..

'WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO FOR V.M.? I DONT UNDERSTAND THE NOTE YX TAGGED US IN..'

'I THINK YOU GOTTA CHECK WITH OTHER PEOPLE.. I HAVENT START DOING AND DIDNT ATTEND LAST WEEK'S LESSON. OR YOU CAN REFER TO PROJECT-BRIEF..'

'I CALLED A AND ASKED HER ABOUT V.M. ALREADY. SHE'LL LET ME KNOW ABOUT IT LATER. THEN I'LL LET YOU KNOW ALSO..'

'THANK YOU!!'

'BUT IN THE MEANTIME, YOU NEEDA FIND A BRAND'S WINDOW DISPLAY WITH THE CRITICAL WORDS AND EMAIL ME SO THAT I CAN COMPILE FOR TOMORROW'S PRESENTATION..'

'AH.. NOW THEN YOU TELL ME, BUT I'M OUT ALREADY.. IT'S OUR TURN TOMORROW?'

'YES, FOR BRANDING. THOUGHT I TOLD YOU LAST WEEK..'

'AIYO.. I WILL BE OUT ALL DAY UNTIL VERY LATE TODAY.. IF YOU'D REMINDED ME I'D HAVE IT DONE YEATERDAY.. AHHHH HOW..'

...

AM I YOUR NANNY?!! IF YOU DONT INTEND TO HAVE THE INITIATIVE TO DO SCHOOL WORK, THEN DONT APPROACH ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!! AND NOW I'M IN DEEP SH*T WHILE YOU'RE HAVIN FUN OUTSIDE!! I HAVE 2 CHOICES LEFT NOW:

1. DIE WITH YOU;
2. ABANDON YOU AND LEFT YOU TO DIE ALONE.

WHY NOT YOU MAKE THE DECISION FOR ME?!!

6 more weeks

this semester is so fast! at a blink of the eye, it's only 6 more weeks before my actual assessment. heard that it's either last week of april or first week of may.. but i seriously hope that it'll be the last week of april because then i'll be able to celebrate my birthday at ease. wahahahahaha.. sigh. 22 years old, under achievement. always think of this term 'under-achievement' because knowing my character and situation, i'm stuck no where, and even if there's a way, i cant do anything yet.

6 more weeks and i'll be freeeeeeeeeeeee..
however, not forgetting the fact that i'll still have to go for internship. and with the amount of money earned during internship, it's not even enough or me, so, i'll be taking on another job, which means 2 jobs at a time.

till then!

life

seriously i hate migraine. who loves it? i know, but guess i brought it upon myself by tying my hair when it's not completely dry yet. arghhhh.. but anyway, just feel like typing some thoughts here before i rest for the day..

it's like, so many people around me who dont treasure/cherish the life they have now. i think that includes me, however, it only applied partially. i treasure my life even though i'm gonna get my motor-license by hook or by crook, however, i dont really cherish it. or do i, unknowingly? life, as in the situation we're in now, as well as, the body our spirits are in.
like one of my classmates E, she's kinda abusing the medication prescribed by her psychiatrist, taking them as much as 5 different kinds at a go just to get a kick of it. she eventually felt worse after it wears off. still, she wanna do that despite tasting the aftermath of it. then she got this habit of self destruction, as in she cuts herself until it bleeds, and by doing that, she felt released. remembered the first time i 'accidently' saw those scars, one of them was new, kinda deep, i kept quiet, trying not to touch her 'real wound' inside her. she once told me that her fabric scissors got blunt because she used it to cut herself, and my reaction was calm, but deep inside, i'm like 'what the f*ck?'. to her, life is a b*tch. she got sent to Singapore when she was around 5 years old, under the care of a nanny who stripped her down to a panties, and left her standing outside the gate when she refused to finish up her food. when she grew older, she saw with her own eyes how her father brought women uglier than her mother back to their bedroom, and saw her her father used to beat her mother up. even older, she found a man whom she thought could take care of her, give assurance to her insecurities. instead, this man beat her up, and gave her the worst memories ever. all these accumulate up to what she become today, or is it her refusing to pull herself up from the pit despite many of times when there're helping hands, and she refused all of them?

sometimes i feel like telling her that i read her blog and check her twitter regularly to make sure she's still alive when i dont see her. but i didnt afterall. it's her privacy, as what i learnt. however, if she's opened about her life, sharing with me things that she wont go around telling others who are not as close, should i be pulling her up from the pit by force? or should i just leave her rotting in the bottom of the pit till the last breathe of her mother, and then hers, as what she claimed?

i dont wanna be a saint, but i dont wished to see someone whom i know, be left alone to die, when all i could do, is to offer more patience, love, care, and concern.

i wanna get done with school, once and for all

about 2 more months to the actual day of my assessment. time flies, and somehow, i'm not too sure whether is it the aftermath of the very stress-out last semester, i feel rather relaxed this semester. relaxed as in, same amount of workload, however, it's easier to finish them off. what's the most stressful piece of shit left undone is PD. this is always the killer of every semester to every students. this semester i'm doing men's wear, so it means that i gotta have a male model. R will be helping me out, and he'll be for my private usage only. haha..

i hope this semester will turns out well, because somehow i dont know why, i feel much more confident in doing men's wear rather than the normal-than-usual women's wear.

jia you lo!

and for baby.. dont feel sad anymore alright? i know how it feels because i said before, 'i feel for you..'. which means that whatever you're feeling, i can feel it too. i told you before, no matter what, you must be positive. because if you're not, everything will become worse. you just need more time, and during this period it's gonna be tough, i know. but i'll be here for you, just like how you're always be there for me.
*HUG
dont give up, because i wanna see the future with you.

)=

it's kinda difficult to get used to the following nights without baby.