)=

thanks baby for being with me all this while, while i'm feeling really gloomy and depressed all the time.

yesterday in school was hella hilarious! E imitated american, british, and indian accents during lesson, and i laughed till i got a cramp in my stomach. then A kept pestering me to say the word 'b*tch' in hongkong accent, and all of us laughed so hard.
after the last lesson of the day, i met up with O and R. went to mr.curry to look for J, then to waraku for dinner.
afterwhich, i went to meet up with baby for a while and home sweet home.

i wont be going to cameron highland as there wont be enough time to finish my assignments.. and i already told brother.. now i'm only thinkin about how to tell mother.

any solutions?

this friday i'll be going to cameron highland for a 4-days holiday.. was thinking whether should i really give a skip because i really got no time to finish up my assignment before i left and after i'm back.

how how? but if i say it now, there will be 'thunderstorms' for sure.

(=

everything just fall nicely when i see you.

<3

how perfect if i can see you everyday;
smell you everyday;
breathe you everyday;
everything with you everyday.

i love you,
more than loving myself.

very very very bad day

this few days have been feeling really grumpy, easily frustrated and angered, emotional. most probably is near to the period of the month..

to start from the beginning of the day..
i woke up and around 9am, intending to meet my classmates for sewing in school. in the end, i was late. but the funny thing is, although i was late(the meeting time was supposed to be 1030am), but i was the earliest. dont understand? which means that i arrived one hour later than the actual meeting time, to realise that the others were even later than me. i always feel exceptionally tired and restless during this period of time, therefore i got a little bit frustrated because i could sleep abit longer!

then we went to have our lunch, then proceed to the class. sometimes i wonder what are my classmates in class for? they dont bring their pattern-making stuffs during the lesson, they dont bring their sewing stuffs during lesson, expecting their classmates to have everything all the time, and lending it to them all the time. well, so i lent my scissors to one of the classmates, and she lost it! i'm not the perfectly responsible person here, but the classroom is so small, and she can still lost it. worst of all, it doesnt bothers her at all. she just look around and said, 'oh peggy, i'm so sorry, i lost your scissors..' 'oh my god, i lost peggy's scissors..'. then, she sat down, and continue with her work like as though nothing had happened, not even mentioning how she's gonna compensate me! i stomped out of the classroom, angered, frustrated.

homed, nothing much, just refer to the previous post. just that was having a little headache.. however thought that last night i slept without talking to baby.. so tonight, i intend to wait for him to be home safely, talked to him on the phone, then i'll go to bed. sent him a message at 11pm asking if there're still customers around because normally he'll let me know when he finishes his work. so i thought it's already so late.. in the end, i received his reply, telling me that he's having supper with his colleagues and maybe playing cards with them after eating. i dont know how to describe the feelings at that moment.. so when he called, i started crying. i told him i was waiting, unaware that he's having supper, maybe gonna be late home, and not informed.. and he started apologising..

baby, you dont have to apologise for going for supper or playing cards.. i just want to remind you that there's someone waiting for you.. and that person is me. it's alright if you just tell me, then i'll go ahead to bed first.
i'm also sorry to vent my whole day frustration at you. <3

)=

F*CK

sometimes i just get so sick with a place that people named it 'home'.

just because of a really small issue which actually requires no reply, my mother can actually screamed at me at the top of her voice right at the moment i reached home days back.

it's been YEARS since i actually throw my things around and slam the doors hard outta frustration and anger. because of the shoutings which happened, and only due to such small matter, the volcano within me erupted, and it's been like weeks since i last talked to my mother.
you can say that i'm being unfilial or childish, but i'm sick of her shoutings, and the only person who escaped from that is her dear son. so let her son talk to her as much as she want.

I'M SICK OF ALL THIS SH*T.

dear baby

i dont need diamonds and golds now; i dont need to go to restaurants for every meal now; i dont need merz or porsche now. all i want and need for now is to be with you. be is tough times, i'll brave through it with you.

happy belated valentine's day.

loving you always,
peggy

)'=

whatever typed - erased.

i'm tired.. when can i put down all the memories.. i rather forget all those happiness i had before.

running outta patience

we're worried for you, thinking of ways to look for you when you're uncontactable. you're very touched, but so what? i treat you as a friend because you're the first honest person i met since i came back to school, but your irresponsibility is pissing me off. you left the umbrella that i lent you on a rainy day with your friend, and totally forgot about it. you touched those stuffs that you know you're not supposed to, however claiming that you're just trying to fulfil your bucket list. then what? why not informed people around you that you're gonna do something really stupid first before doing it, so that they're prepared for your disappearance and wont be calling me to check whether i know of your whereabout. if you're really touched by your friend's love, be responsible at least to your own life. by the way, i'm a very easy-going person, but that doesnt mean that i'm a pushover. so dont push your luck too far, and treat me like a puppet in your hand.

)=

emo-ing.

dear eve,

bao bei, tell me you're alright will ya? i dont wanna see your rotting corpse inside the tiny bedroom you're staying in, due to the overdosage of pills. i dont wanna spend my 1.5 years in school without you drinking coffee with me in the morning at kopitiam before morning lesson; without you having chicken rice and bubbletea with me at dhouby xchange before afternoon lesson; without you having de-stressing breaks with me during lessons.. so many many things. now you're happy to know who are those who really cares, who will do anything to know that you're not so worthless afterall, even including to trespass the apartment you're staying in.

tell me you're fine.

happy chinese new year

have a sudden urge to say something, so here am i!

how's everyone's chinese new year celebration?
for me, it's alot quieter than the previous years.. lesser gambling, lesser laughter, lesser happiness i guess? - at least for my grandparents.
i'm not really an introvert actually, but just that i dont really like to entertain people which i see once/twice a year, just for the sake of seeing them. as usual, my family and i went to relative's house(for the sake of going), show face a little, smile a little, entertain a little..

baby went back to malaysia to celebrate with his family, and just came back today.. was really happy to see him. sometimes i feel so much to have a private place with him, spend really alot of time with him.. erm? how long is the honeymoon period during the courtship? because it's been 2 years since we're together, but i still have endless things to tell him even though we met up with one another almost everyday(before my school started). but on the other hand, .. forget it.

it must be something to do with pms.
@#$%^&*

self destruction

it's just a complicated affair between human and drugs. doctors refer medicine as drugs because overdosing on them or mis-using them is equally harmful to the real drugs. many of time, human mis-used it instead of taking only when needed. what i meant by needed is when prescribe, and not when you feel like swollowing/sucking on it.

recently, i got a few friends around me mis-using it intentionally. why? i mean.. is there a need to do so? is life so bored that you need to do it in order to achieve another level of life? is life so depressing that you can't be happier without it? so many questions running through my mind just at a thought of it.. because does it meant that without it, one will have to rely on valium or prozac forever? NO! definitely not.

sometimes i really hoped that jigsaw is real.. at least it's more effective than psychologist.