aimless; lifeless.

of course partly because of baby's absence, but mainly because there's nothing for me to aim for. like example, if i'm allowed to go overseas with my friends, at least i'll be aiming to earn and save enough money. i'm so restricted to the extend that sometimes i just feel like going to get myself another passport and get myself outta this place - for long. mom always says that if i have all the freedom, it means that i'm no longer a person related to her. what kinda logic is this? during school days, i'll just be studying in school, go home to do assignments, worried about money and stuffs. at work, i'll have to face all sorta customers and deal with brainless colleagues. it's always the same routine, facing almost the same people. i find life kinda meaningless.. nothing to look forward to, anymore. and lately, my appetite became smaller than before. food dont taste as good anymore too. i get bored with games very fast, unlike last time when i'll be really glued to the computer.

what's happening?

last warning

i can definitely work 13-hours straight, if you want. but can you me finding fault with you 13-hours straight? but too bad, it's all too late to regret now. which i bet you dont anyway, because you're already testing my patience since the beginning. and right now, i'm sick of this. so dont blame me for being so cruel to you. DONT EVER DREAM OF CONFIRMING YOUR POSITION - EVER.

hi baby,

i've been missing you so hard, so much. still gotta wait for so long before i see you again?
)))))))))):

true story

now i've heard it.

should i continue to stand by the truth and be firm with where i stand? or should i just give in because of this?

to mom,

thanks for telling me that i've been lying to you since young, and is very happy and proud of it.

thanks for letting me know that it's useless to be truthful - because at the end of the day you will never believe. so please dont f*cking lie to me that you'll believe and trust me if i try hard enough to convince you - one f*cking day.


you'll never be my sanctuary, ever.

to mom,

you always taught me that,
"you're only good when others praise you, rather than your ownself.".
but tonight, you contradicted to what you taught with phrase like,
"i dont bias against your brother."
and all you said to me is about trust and respect within a family.
you said i dont respect any of the members in the family.
you said i'm happy to see you believing my lies.
you said..
you said..
too many things which contradicted with each other sentences.

what do you expect me to do/say when i'm in no position to do anything at all?